Marriage: She Wants It, So What’s Wrong With Her Proposing?
69Getting what you want by asking....
Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man. ~Margaret Mead
It was December 1972 when Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman" hit #1 on the Billboard charts.
"I am woman hear me roar,
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again....."
Money & Power
So much has changed since 1972 some 38 plus years ago. The Equal Rights Amendment was passed by congress and sent to the states for ratification. Although it fell short by three states women’s rights have advanced. In those days the “glass ceiling” was actually made out of brick. Today according CNN Money we have 15 women holding CEO positions in “The Fortune 500” and 28 in total in the “Fortune 1000” Today we have women holding positions among the highest levels of government as Senators, Governors, Secretary of State, and recently the Speaker of the house.
According to an article from MSNBC 33.5% of women earned more than their husbands in 2007. I imagine that percentage has grown significantly during “the great recession”. The gap in pay and opportunity is slowly closing. Many women are opting to put off marriage and having children well into their 30s
Sexual Equality
The number of birth control options along with a woman’s right to choose has made it possible for a woman to have sex on par with a man. Shotgun weddings are pretty much a thing of the past. The stigma of being a single mother is pretty much gone.
It is not unheard of for a woman to decide to have a child without having a man. Sperm banks and artificial insemination have made it possible to have children when she is ready to whether she has found a suitable partner or not.
Chivalry & Sexism
With the push for equality came the desire to get rid of “the weaker sex” moniker. Chivalry for all its benefits to women was often tied to sexism and chauvinism. Women wanted to be seen as strong, independent, and most of all equal to men.
Initially this was met with resistance by the male population in most corners of the world. Even now there are sexual harassment lawsuits and other discrimination suits pending related to how women are treated in the workplace. However by anyone’s measuring stick we can all agree there has been some major strides towards equality between the sexes from 1972 and 2011.
Dating & Marriage: The Last Frontier
Despite all of the advances women have made towards equality many are reluctant to be “proactive” when it comes to dating and marriage.
Numerous books, articles, hubs, and blogs are written weekly offering women advice on “How to get a man to notice you”, “How to get your man to commit” “How to tell if he is interested in you” or “How to get your man to propose”...etc
Countless women sit in nightclubs tapping their feet and bobbing their heads to music (waiting) for a man to come along to ask them to dance rather than approaching a man.
Is it pride (not wanting to appear desperate)? Is it fear of rejection? Or the naïve belief that the person “being asked” holds the power? Or the all time favorite “I believe in tradition”. Whatever the reason is most women elect to take the passive indirect approach when it comes to finding out where they stand with a man.
This in of itself is not a bad thing but what makes it an issue is when the woman becomes frustrated because her man is not responding to her "hints" or his romantic light switch has not turned on.
According to many articles there are lots of women who want to get married but won’t propose. “If it’s not worth asking for, it’s not worth having.”
An instructor of mine many years ago told the class the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. It takes courage to pursue your dreams whatever they may be. If you find yourself in a relationship with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with or you pass by someone daily whom you’d like to get to know better, whether you are a woman or a man you owe it to yourself to find out where you stand.
Life is short. Ask for what you want.
If the person you ask is unable to give you what you want then move on.
You are responsible for your own happiness!
One man’s opinion!
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CommentsLoading...
SonBeam, Thanks for your comment.
I suppose there will always be somewhat of a battle between those who strictly want to be "equal" VS those who prefer to be "special" as well as those who want "both". (The beautiful thing is each woman gets to decide for herself. YOU should always live life on YOUR terms!)
However this leaves many men trying to figure out which type of women they are with. When it comes to "gender roles" the world is a ball of confusion. :-)
I am all for the independent-modern woman, however I must say ABSOLUTELY NOT! I think that there are just some things that a man should do and marriage proposal is one of them. There should be a difference between men and women. Being a strong woman doesn't mean to grow a penis. We put too much pressure on women to find a man and get married and It's almost as if we make it okay for men to not want to get married. We put if off on the women, I mean just look at the title of your hub "Marriage: She Wants It, So What’s Wrong With Her Proposing?" It should be what is wanted by both parties.
Contrice, Thanks for your comment.
This hub is basically saying what is wrong with "asking for what you want?" In this particular example it's a woman wanting to get married. Apparently proposing is off limits to a lot of women. Maybe it's an "ego" issue or they are sncerely concerned about "emasculating" a man. However if he is truly in love with her I doubt he would be offended.
Personally I don't think anyone should be looked down upon for being "proactive". By the same token I also feel "to each his own". Sitting around "waiting" on someone else to make a move can lead to frustration and disappointment. Ultimately we are responsible for our own happiness! A woman should have the option to pursue her goals just like a man without being thought of as less than woman. Apparently this is one double standard a lot of women are in favor of. :-) Yes both parties usually want to get married when a wedding takes place. However it's usually (one person) that brings it up first. (I'm saying it shouldn't matter if it's the woman or the man.) It's not the proposal that determines if there will be a wedding. It's the response.
Women are not prepared to put life on hold or careers on hold for the things or reasons their parents chose long before them. I think values have radically changed today.
One of my friends told her mother recently to stop annoying her about wanting to "tie the knot" with a long-term boyfriend, and hilariously mentioned that in her mothers day, girls who "tweeted" their boyfriends stood under a tree and whistled like a bird! That made me laugh. Being a twitter user, I can see the humor here.
Women are not interested in being dumped on by their dates and lovers. We seem to have become a lot more savvy, and we have more networking and access to advice that years before, we just lacked. Plus old-fashioned values - even the good ones - have been chucked out the window.
I am noticing a lot of women traveling more about the world and seeing more places and broadening their horizons. I think people are marrying later in life now.
Cheeky Girl, I agree with you. People are waiting longer to get married. I believe the more opportunities women have in their careers along with other options the less they feel the need to rush into marriage. However for those who are interested in getting married they should feel it's ok to propose if they want to without feeling desperate. Equality is a wonderful thing!
Wonderful, I like the way you think. It is time for everybody to think on this. Thanks for writing about equality.
Vishaaa, Thanks for taking the time to read my hub and adding a comment. Women have the same rights as men.
There should be no shame for a woman to ask for what she wants. Unfortunately in many instances it's other women who will look down on her.
Life is too short to be passive! :-)
"It's your life! Take the wheel!"
SonBeam 16 months ago
Personally I think the whole world is mixed up about gender roles. I'm sure most politically correct people would either laugh at me or say I'm from ancient america, but I don't care. I believe what I believe and I'm sticking to it. I love tradition and marriage and I don't care that I am labeled as the weaker sex. It means physically weaker. I am not built physically stronger than a man, I have different harmones than he, and until one can have a baby, I'm staying put. We don't go to war and we can't impregnate themselves, naturally that is. Out of all of the discussion held concerning men and women these basic truths remain. Men carry the seed and the woman carries the baby. Men are givers and women are receivers. These are very clear gender roles that have existed from the time the first man was created, and she (woman) taken from mans rib. Man was told to be fruitful and multiply, subdue the land and dominate over the fish of the sea, birds of the air, and the beast that creep upon the earth. Woman was designated to bring forth life, teach the children and make a home for man and family to lay their heads. Why society wants to underate these gender roles and change these things is out of my grasp of understanding. All I know is that our society has been slowly broken down by greed and the desire for more material goods. That is why so many women work outside the home now. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, I'm just saying to look at what has been sacrificed because of it.